Be the change you want to...change

As per the usual, life has carried on its merry way, with me in toe, and sometimes with me in its wake.

My sister and I are moving back to Calgary from Edmonton next Monday, but have already moved almost all of out things. If you were to enter our apartment right now, you would think that sammi and I were squatters. We have no furniture, empty closets, empty cupboards, but our fridge is still full! We have a blanket sprawled out in the middle of our living room, and that is where we have parked out laptops. Ridiculous looking? Yes. We are also without a television. It has been good and bad. Good in that I need a break from that thing. I had no idea how addicted I was to it. I would pretty much always have it on in the background when I was home. I would always turn to t.v when I was bored. No I have to actually entertain myself. How very lazy I was! But at least I have this whole week as a break. It is bad because it is one less distraction from the myriad of mostly UN necessary thoughts that are always swirling away in my brain. I admit to being generally prone to over thinking life, and really having run away fear thoughts when ever I have to much time on my hands to just think. So, learning to deal with that, well it is just something I am going to have to do.

In other news, I have been accepted into pretty much ever university I applied for. I applied to The University of Calgary, The University of Victoria, The University of British Columbia and Simon Fraser University. I have been accepted into all but U BC, whom I have just not heard back from yet. I applied for the psychology program at each university apart from Simon Fraser, where I applied for the criminology program. And I was hoping that I would be rejected from at least one or two, to help my narrow down my choices. But alas, nothing doing. I know I want to move to Vancouver, so really U of C and U of Vic are out. But I am still stuck, not knowing if I want to take psychology or Criminology. I feel drawn to The U BC for some reason UN-beknowst to me, but I also think Criminology would be so cool. So I have chosen to wait it out, to make my decision when I know for sure if I am in to U BC or not. And of course, I am such a patient waiter, and this whole thing has been very relaxing for me. Peh. If only that is how I was. I am working on it people, ok?

As for life's bitch slap lessons, I mean, the lovely nibblets of knowledge that are bestowed upon me with love and kindness by life, I have been learning much as of late. The most important lesson that has been coming around and around and around to me, is the power my thoughts have over my life. Basically, I totally live the story that I am telling myself. I generally believe myself to be fat. I know, I know, have I not beat that dead horse enough you ask? Well, apparently not, otherwise I would, you know, stop...beating...it. Anyways. I have been causing myself so much anguish, having this ticker tape going in my mind all the time. My mom the wonderful and wise life coach has helped me out here once again. She told me to see my body in my mind, the way I want it to be. To focus on it, to feel how it feels to be in that body. Then to widen my perspective, to see what is going on in my life when I have this ideal body. What are my days like? How do I live? How do I act? How do I eat? What do I feel in my day to day life? Then she told me to work from that place, backwards to now. So instead of constantly trying to control and subdue and punish my body, desperately trying to make it do what I want to do, I should center myself in the feeling of already having what I want, and then live like that. It is a challenge. But it is working. All throughout that day, before my mom counseled me, I kept hearing and reading the phrase "be the change you want to see in the world." I think this applies to that. When we have a dream, what we need to do is live our lives right now, as though that dream is a reality. We need to act out that dream. That is what makes it come true. The actual doing of the dream. If we just keep sitting around, dreaming of it, it will always stay in the future. What do you wish you had? Think about this thing. Imagine your life when you have what it is that you want. What does it look like? Smell like? Feel like? Connecting with this reality may help you to know which steps to take to get from where you are now to where you want to be. It isn't visualization. It is active. Cultivate the reality of your dreams.

I also made some cookies. They are strawberry macaroon type deals. Sammi liked em! And in other food news, these are some grapes that were in a box labeled "wine on the vine." They were the tastiest grapes I have ever eaten my life. They had seeds, which is also a good thing. That means that they have not yet been rendered infertile by genetic engineering. Yay for viable fruit! And the other bits you see in there are mangoes. Yeah dawg.a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/___BXhxnoChE/S8-fgZjzI0I/AAAAAAAAADg/ewOqs6QtuPQ/s1600/001.JPG">

Let me know what you dream!
Tata lovers!