Monday, April 12, 2010
Its all about you, really!
Hello my friends!
I have been inspired to write a bit, after my weekend. As you know, I am in yoga teacher training at the moment, and so I had a nice full weekend of practice, lecture and just general good times with good people.
But I will start at a place that is some what before this weekend occurred. For the past few weeks, I have been feeling so overly frantic, that I was turning into a drama queen. OK, I was turning into a WORSE drama queen. I even had a small emotional break down on the phone with my mother. It all revolved around my feelings that I am just floundering. I was feeling lost, useless, fearful, desperate and most of all tired. I could not see how I was going to figure out what I am supposed to be doing, here on earth, or even for the summer. My mom, the amazing life coach (you can check her out at www.mushroomtosunflower.blogspot.com, she is really quite good), talked me into attempting to pursue selling raw foods and teaching yoga over the summer. I had to turn down a job offer if I was going to do this, and that scared the crap out of me. What if it does not work? What if I don't make any money this summer? Then what will happen to me? I will be poor, then no one will respect me, then I will die a terrible death, freezing cold on the dark streets, all alone! Actually. No wonder I was feeling so tired. Anyways, I decided to take the leap, and start putting together a business plan, so that I can work for myself this summer. And I started to perk up a bit. Then my yoga weekend happened. I have been fighting with my spiritual side my whole life. I have always been extra sensitive, and more inclined towards a spiritual perspective in life, and this has often made living in the world difficult for me. I feel really out of place allot of the time. Like my values just don't seem to line up with the values of the world, but I try my darnedest to fit in. I tell you what, it does not work. That is why this weekend was so amazing. I was surrounded my all these amazing women. All who are gifted in their own amazing ways, who understand what it is like to think unlike the mass population. They are all so warm and accepting. I felt like I was in a place where I belong. And I tell you what, that is no small feat! I actually cant even remember the last time I felt so integrated into the group I was with. I felt peaceful, calm, yet teaming with energy. There was a buzz inside me. I slept for maybe 12 hours over the entire weekend, and yet felt no fatigue at all. I have been living off of 12 hours a night for the past few weeks, and still felling exhausted.
So what does all of that mean? Here is what I think. We are all here for a purpose. And we are all here with a specific design. Everyone on the planet has a different job to do. A destiny if you will. And I think that we are designed to fulfill our destines. But I think that we often become distracted. We loose touch with ourselves, with our core selves, due to out side expectations, fears, judgements and a myriad of other things. This can cause us to start down a path, that was never our path to start down. I believe that we can will ourselves to do ANYTHING, but that our essential selves will fight us, if it is not the thing we are designed for. My body has been fighting me for a long time, or maybe I have been fighting my body. I have been trying to put myself in a life that will be acceptable to some group of people that I have deemed the true and important judges or worthy and worthless. The only problem with that is that I don't actually share any of the same values with that group!! So I have been trucking along, desperately trying to measure up to the worlds view of success, while dieing a little inside. The bible says that man does not live by bread alone. I think that this passage may be referring to just what I am talking about. Talk to anyone who really feels like they are living the life that they were designed to live, and they will tell you that they seem to have more energy now than they have ever had before. Many will tell you stories of mysterious illnesses that plagued them before, disappeared just as mysteriously after they started on this new, right path. I know this to be true for me! I felt so energized this weekend. I am starting to see where I fit. What kind of life I was designed to live. I am working on letting go of values that are not my own, of letting go of the need for approval from people who just don't really understand what I am here for. That is hard and scary work, but it is worth it, if I am going to get to live in the place of energy and life that I experienced this weekend.
So, the question is, what kind of life are you designed for? Are you living it now? Do you feel totally pumped to get out of bed? Do you feel love and compassion for those around you? Do you feel connected to those around you? Or do you suffer from illness or fatigue that you can't explain? Do you feel misunderstood? The best piece of advice I can give to those who are feeling that maybe they are not in the place they want to be (and by they I mean their real, true self), is to get a life coach (www.mushroomtosunflower.blogspot.com) or just start to notice the things that you feel and instinctive draw towards. I grew up with very Christian values, and I was probably the most religious one in my family. Yet I was always so drawn to the yoga studio in my neighbour hood. Every time I walked or drove past it, I just wanted to go in so badly. And now look where i am! I had to let go of quite a few things, to change my perspective. But I feel like all that work was so worth is. So what do you secretly want to do? Paint? Ride horses? Walk along the river? You don't have to know why you want to do it. It does not have to make any sense to you at all. But just allow yourself to try the things you feel the "urge to merge" with. It may not turn out to be what you expect, but it will help you to start tuning into the voice in side you that knows your right life. And this voice will start to get louder and louder, and before you know it, you will be buzzing along in this life, doing what you were always meant to do, and loving ever minute of it! OK, so it might not be "before you know it" It will most likely be after allot of work, but you will get there, if you choose to listen.
Here endeth my sermon.