Wednesday, April 21, 2010
As per the usual, life has carried on its merry way, with me in toe, and sometimes with me in its wake.
My sister and I are moving back to Calgary from Edmonton next Monday, but have already moved almost all of out things. If you were to enter our apartment right now, you would think that sammi and I were squatters. We have no furniture, empty closets, empty cupboards, but our fridge is still full! We have a blanket sprawled out in the middle of our living room, and that is where we have parked out laptops. Ridiculous looking? Yes. We are also without a television. It has been good and bad. Good in that I need a break from that thing. I had no idea how addicted I was to it. I would pretty much always have it on in the background when I was home. I would always turn to t.v when I was bored. No I have to actually entertain myself. How very lazy I was! But at least I have this whole week as a break. It is bad because it is one less distraction from the myriad of mostly UN necessary thoughts that are always swirling away in my brain. I admit to being generally prone to over thinking life, and really having run away fear thoughts when ever I have to much time on my hands to just think. So, learning to deal with that, well it is just something I am going to have to do.
In other news, I have been accepted into pretty much ever university I applied for. I applied to The University of Calgary, The University of Victoria, The University of British Columbia and Simon Fraser University. I have been accepted into all but U BC, whom I have just not heard back from yet. I applied for the psychology program at each university apart from Simon Fraser, where I applied for the criminology program. And I was hoping that I would be rejected from at least one or two, to help my narrow down my choices. But alas, nothing doing. I know I want to move to Vancouver, so really U of C and U of Vic are out. But I am still stuck, not knowing if I want to take psychology or Criminology. I feel drawn to The U BC for some reason UN-beknowst to me, but I also think Criminology would be so cool. So I have chosen to wait it out, to make my decision when I know for sure if I am in to U BC or not. And of course, I am such a patient waiter, and this whole thing has been very relaxing for me. Peh. If only that is how I was. I am working on it people, ok?
As for life's bitch slap lessons, I mean, the lovely nibblets of knowledge that are bestowed upon me with love and kindness by life, I have been learning much as of late. The most important lesson that has been coming around and around and around to me, is the power my thoughts have over my life. Basically, I totally live the story that I am telling myself. I generally believe myself to be fat. I know, I know, have I not beat that dead horse enough you ask? Well, apparently not, otherwise I would, you know, stop...beating...it. Anyways. I have been causing myself so much anguish, having this ticker tape going in my mind all the time. My mom the wonderful and wise life coach has helped me out here once again. She told me to see my body in my mind, the way I want it to be. To focus on it, to feel how it feels to be in that body. Then to widen my perspective, to see what is going on in my life when I have this ideal body. What are my days like? How do I live? How do I act? How do I eat? What do I feel in my day to day life? Then she told me to work from that place, backwards to now. So instead of constantly trying to control and subdue and punish my body, desperately trying to make it do what I want to do, I should center myself in the feeling of already having what I want, and then live like that. It is a challenge. But it is working. All throughout that day, before my mom counseled me, I kept hearing and reading the phrase "be the change you want to see in the world." I think this applies to that. When we have a dream, what we need to do is live our lives right now, as though that dream is a reality. We need to act out that dream. That is what makes it come true. The actual doing of the dream. If we just keep sitting around, dreaming of it, it will always stay in the future. What do you wish you had? Think about this thing. Imagine your life when you have what it is that you want. What does it look like? Smell like? Feel like? Connecting with this reality may help you to know which steps to take to get from where you are now to where you want to be. It isn't visualization. It is active. Cultivate the reality of your dreams.
I also made some cookies. They are strawberry macaroon type deals. Sammi liked em! And in other food news, these are some grapes that were in a box labeled "wine on the vine." They were the tastiest grapes I have ever eaten my life. They had seeds, which is also a good thing. That means that they have not yet been rendered infertile by genetic engineering. Yay for viable fruit! And the other bits you see in there are mangoes. Yeah dawg.a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/___BXhxnoChE/S8-fgZjzI0I/AAAAAAAAADg/ewOqs6QtuPQ/s1600/001.JPG">
Let me know what you dream!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Hello my friends!
I have been inspired to write a bit, after my weekend. As you know, I am in yoga teacher training at the moment, and so I had a nice full weekend of practice, lecture and just general good times with good people.
But I will start at a place that is some what before this weekend occurred. For the past few weeks, I have been feeling so overly frantic, that I was turning into a drama queen. OK, I was turning into a WORSE drama queen. I even had a small emotional break down on the phone with my mother. It all revolved around my feelings that I am just floundering. I was feeling lost, useless, fearful, desperate and most of all tired. I could not see how I was going to figure out what I am supposed to be doing, here on earth, or even for the summer. My mom, the amazing life coach (you can check her out at www.mushroomtosunflower.blogspot.com, she is really quite good), talked me into attempting to pursue selling raw foods and teaching yoga over the summer. I had to turn down a job offer if I was going to do this, and that scared the crap out of me. What if it does not work? What if I don't make any money this summer? Then what will happen to me? I will be poor, then no one will respect me, then I will die a terrible death, freezing cold on the dark streets, all alone! Actually. No wonder I was feeling so tired. Anyways, I decided to take the leap, and start putting together a business plan, so that I can work for myself this summer. And I started to perk up a bit. Then my yoga weekend happened. I have been fighting with my spiritual side my whole life. I have always been extra sensitive, and more inclined towards a spiritual perspective in life, and this has often made living in the world difficult for me. I feel really out of place allot of the time. Like my values just don't seem to line up with the values of the world, but I try my darnedest to fit in. I tell you what, it does not work. That is why this weekend was so amazing. I was surrounded my all these amazing women. All who are gifted in their own amazing ways, who understand what it is like to think unlike the mass population. They are all so warm and accepting. I felt like I was in a place where I belong. And I tell you what, that is no small feat! I actually cant even remember the last time I felt so integrated into the group I was with. I felt peaceful, calm, yet teaming with energy. There was a buzz inside me. I slept for maybe 12 hours over the entire weekend, and yet felt no fatigue at all. I have been living off of 12 hours a night for the past few weeks, and still felling exhausted.
So what does all of that mean? Here is what I think. We are all here for a purpose. And we are all here with a specific design. Everyone on the planet has a different job to do. A destiny if you will. And I think that we are designed to fulfill our destines. But I think that we often become distracted. We loose touch with ourselves, with our core selves, due to out side expectations, fears, judgements and a myriad of other things. This can cause us to start down a path, that was never our path to start down. I believe that we can will ourselves to do ANYTHING, but that our essential selves will fight us, if it is not the thing we are designed for. My body has been fighting me for a long time, or maybe I have been fighting my body. I have been trying to put myself in a life that will be acceptable to some group of people that I have deemed the true and important judges or worthy and worthless. The only problem with that is that I don't actually share any of the same values with that group!! So I have been trucking along, desperately trying to measure up to the worlds view of success, while dieing a little inside. The bible says that man does not live by bread alone. I think that this passage may be referring to just what I am talking about. Talk to anyone who really feels like they are living the life that they were designed to live, and they will tell you that they seem to have more energy now than they have ever had before. Many will tell you stories of mysterious illnesses that plagued them before, disappeared just as mysteriously after they started on this new, right path. I know this to be true for me! I felt so energized this weekend. I am starting to see where I fit. What kind of life I was designed to live. I am working on letting go of values that are not my own, of letting go of the need for approval from people who just don't really understand what I am here for. That is hard and scary work, but it is worth it, if I am going to get to live in the place of energy and life that I experienced this weekend.
So, the question is, what kind of life are you designed for? Are you living it now? Do you feel totally pumped to get out of bed? Do you feel love and compassion for those around you? Do you feel connected to those around you? Or do you suffer from illness or fatigue that you can't explain? Do you feel misunderstood? The best piece of advice I can give to those who are feeling that maybe they are not in the place they want to be (and by they I mean their real, true self), is to get a life coach (www.mushroomtosunflower.blogspot.com) or just start to notice the things that you feel and instinctive draw towards. I grew up with very Christian values, and I was probably the most religious one in my family. Yet I was always so drawn to the yoga studio in my neighbour hood. Every time I walked or drove past it, I just wanted to go in so badly. And now look where i am! I had to let go of quite a few things, to change my perspective. But I feel like all that work was so worth is. So what do you secretly want to do? Paint? Ride horses? Walk along the river? You don't have to know why you want to do it. It does not have to make any sense to you at all. But just allow yourself to try the things you feel the "urge to merge" with. It may not turn out to be what you expect, but it will help you to start tuning into the voice in side you that knows your right life. And this voice will start to get louder and louder, and before you know it, you will be buzzing along in this life, doing what you were always meant to do, and loving ever minute of it! OK, so it might not be "before you know it" It will most likely be after allot of work, but you will get there, if you choose to listen.
Here endeth my sermon.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Hello all my friends!
So it is T minus two weeks until I am officially back in Calgs for the summer. And I have decided that I am going to be starting my own businesses!! Yes, that is right people. I am going to be working for myself. What I have decided to embark on is; selling my raw food creations at the Bearspaw Farmers Market(hopefully, if not, I will just have to advertise some other way!), lead yoga classes at some community centers, and do some nutritional counseling, just for good measure. I have a whole wide menu of raw food treats, as any one who is my friend will know, as I have force fed you with them in the past. If you, or any one else would like to order some raw foods, drop me an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I can send to you my menu! I am also looking forward to teaching yoga this summer. I would love to get everyone I know, and allot of those I don't know to come out! I will be filling you in on the details as I know what they are. And I am always available for a food coaching session, as I am a Holistic Nutritionist! OK, so that is allot of pimping I just did. But really, I know that so many people are so confused about food and nutrition, and that they need to eat, but don't have the time to make something nutritious and delicious for themselves. I am really hoping that I can be of some help to all the busy people out there! So, if you or any one you know wants some food, counseling, or even some private yoga classes, you know where to find me! And I promise, the nutritional counselling is tailored to YOUR needs. I am not going to try to make you raw, vegan or even vegetarian. It is all about what is going to work for you! Oh, and the picture above is my Raw Chocolate raspberry brownie, pina colada bars and some "power balls."
Love you all!