Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Hello again my faithful readers!

Fewf! It has been an inexcusably long time since I have written, and for that I have no good excuse. I will offer you a tiered one, and that is that I have been so crazy busy! My life again has been turned upside down. I am now moving, looking for a job and just generally scrounging around for a future! We managed to sell out apartment, which was fast but also a nuisance for a couple of weeks. I have foraged ahead with my yoga teacher training, and I am pleased to say I am half done! Although, and I am almost completely finished my home work, on account of well, being high strung.

Allot has been going on in my mind lately as well. I chose to leave Health Fare, which is ok, since I am moving any ways. But I was getting really bogged down there. I am not sure if it was my essential self (the Self with the big S) that did not like cooking any more, or if it was just me not enjoying the atmosphere. I have taken a break from cooking as of late, and I am still not sure where I stand on the whole issue any more. And that is because I am not sure where my love of cooking really came from. Was it a natural desire, something I was bound to like, or was it caused by my self inflicted starvation? It is well documented that those who are starving become obsessed with cooking and reading about food, and that is defiantly what I was. So I am taking this break, and I will come back to cooking at a later date, and see what it feels like. For now, I am only confused.

I have also been trying to figure out what it is I am meant to be doing in this life. And I think I may just have to live with the fact that the answer is slightly complicated and multi faceted. I get so bored so easily, that I have serious doubts that my life passion could be summed up in one word. A work like "cook" or "writer" or "Twig collector." Perhaps this is due to the fact that I suffer from ADD and this whole world is full of new bright, shiny dis tractors. Or maybe it is just that diversity is the new wave, and I have decided to ride it. Facts are facts I suppose, and at this point, I still want to pursue yoga and life coaching. I also want to know more about horses, I possibly still love to cook, and I want to be out doors in the Mountains and by the sea as much as humanly possible. My future is a jumble of adjectives and verbs at the moment, but alas, that is ok. Or so my mom says.

This age, this being twenty something, it is a sticky wicket. None of us know ourselves well enough to really know what we want to do. And all of us expect ourselves to know what we are supposed to do. We are not children any more, and we need to start taking care of ourselves. But we still don't really know what it is we need to feel taken care of yet. I believe it is different for everyone. Some people really do need the security of a nine to five job and an RR SP to feel taken care of. Where others would feel totally stifled in that life and need to be able to come and go as they please, and just let the future UN fold uninterrupted. I still don't really know what it is that I need. I know I like to have a place to live that is my place. I know I love warm weather and beaches and mountains. I know I love my sister and being close to her. But does all that information point me on any kind of path? No. And so I am left to feel around blindly for what it is I want to do. My mom says that this is perfectly normal, exciting even. The world as it stands for me is one gigantic opportunity. Which is true, but from my vantage point, the world is one gaping black hole or endless choice and no real idea of which is even remotely correct. Does any one else feel this way? Is it really just me, or is it the syndrome of the twenty something? I would love to hear back from all of you, tell me your experience. It would appear that the only thing of which I am absolutely certain, is that I love durian.

I will have more soon, that is time to think and time to write in my life again. So I will be back shortly with more.

Love you all

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